“The first time I tried it was in junior year of college. I bought it from some guy in the library. I was in acting school, and there was so much pressure put on our senior year showcase. The pill gave me so much energy. I remember making a seven-page spreadsheet of all the agents in New York, including their address, specialty, and preferred method of contact. Adderall gave me an ‘in’ to caring. It’s so hard to be an actor in New York. You have to want it so badly. But I’d always struggled with depression and lack of motivation. I thought I’d finally found the solution. I just went to the psychiatrist and told them I needed a prescription. It was so easy to get. It went from every week, to every other day, to every day. I built my life around it. It got to the point where I’d never leave the house or coffee shop. I wasn’t even getting real work done. I was just doing random shit. I’d write songs, tinker with my website, and send random messages to people I hardly knew. I wasn’t sleeping. I hardly ate. And the moment I stopped taking the pill, I’d feel disgusting. I was destroying my body. But the thing about Adderall is, if you don’t tell anyone, nobody really knows. From the outside it just looks like you’re motivated and working hard. But you’re horribly addicted. You look like you. But it’s not really you.”
